


Wanted

by CarpeNoctem666



Category: Le Fantôme de l'Opéra | Phantom of the Opera & Related Fandoms
Genre: First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Insecurity, M/M, One Shot, Pharoga - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 02:53:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9156550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarpeNoctem666/pseuds/CarpeNoctem666
Summary: Erik comes to find out his dreams of being wanted are not so far fetched...





	

* * *

Erik and Nadir were sitting on the couch at Erik’s home remembering their time in Persia, as they often did when they were alone. Today particularly they had recalled the shah and his oddities;they both had quite a few anecdotes from serving him.

  
“The shah had a particular thing with you. It’s like he couldn’t decide whether he wanted you or wanted you dead.” Remembered Nadir.

  
“Well, the shah actually did have what you would call a ‘thing for me’. Erik said blushing at the memory, taking a sip from his cup of tea.  
Nadir’s mouth gaped open. “What do you mean?”  
“Well,” Erik moved closer to Nadir and almost whispered; although there was no one else in the room. “One day he requested my presence in his bed chambers.”

  
“No he did not!” exclaimed Nadir in shock “Yes he did. And once there, he asked me for a...sexual favor.” His voice was just above a whisper, as any good gossip is told.  
“What?!”  
“His exact words were to perform fellatio on him.”  
Nadir slapped a hand over his mouth. “Oh my God! Why didn’t you tell me before?”  
Erik shrugged flustered  
“Well what did you say?”  
“I said,” he couldn’t help but smirk “with all due respect, your majesty, I rather you kill me instead.”

  
They both broke into laughter for a long time. “You crazy bastard.” said Nadir grinning “That could’ve gotten you killed!” Erik nodded. “It almost did get me killed.” Nadir stopped laughing and looked at Erik in worry.

  
A thick silence hung in the air  
...  
“Did he punish you?”  
Erik sighed and stayed silent for a moment. He had planned on never telling Nadir about this but he figured enough time had passed. “Do you remember...when I broke my ribs?”  
Nadir immediately sobered from his laughter at the memory, his face regained an expression of grief.

  
“Yes, how could I forget? You knocked on my chamber door and when I opened it you were on your knees, drenched in blood and shaking.” Nadir shuddered.“ I still see it in nightmares.”

Erik remembered that night as well. He had been a bloody, helpless mess and Nadir had bandaged him, cleaned him up and put him in bed with extreme care, as though he could crumble to pieces like an autumn leaf.  
Despite Erik’s protests, Nadir had refused to let Erik sleep with his mask on; he needed to be comfortable, he said. He also remembered, in the dead of the night, feeling Nadir caress his bare face while he thought him asleep; it had been a guilty pleasure for Erik but he did nothing to make him believe otherwise.

  
“yes well, that’s because when I told the shah that I’d rather he kill me instead, he took it literally and told his guards to beat me until I was... in the state you found me in. Once the guards finally left me alone I crawled out of the palace and went to you straight away. I hated to inconvenience you like that but I had no one else to turn to.”

  
Nadir was frozen in shock, his mouth gaped open.”  
“The shah did that?!” he asked finally, still trying to process the information.  
“Yes.” answered Erik  
Nadir sucked in a shaking deep breath and through gritted teeth said “You told me you fell from the palace while fixing the roof.”  
“That’s because I didn't want you to worry more than you already were.”

  
“So you lied to me?!”  
“Well I didn't want to explain why he beat me! It's humiliating…”  
Nadir’s face went red in rage and he snapped. “Damn that man! Who the fuck does he think he is?!”.  
“It’s alright, Nadir, it’s over.” Erik was surprised at how ill tempered Nadir was getting at this new information.

  
“NO! It’s still not alright! You were almost dead when I found you!” Nadir’s voice cracked and tears filled his eyes. “You were shaking and hallucinating and there was nothing I could do to make your pain go away. You would wake up in the middle of the night clutching your bandages and screaming, and I would shush you back to sleep and tell you everything would be alright, but in reality, I didn’t know if you would survive the night!” Nadir had to stop talking at that point, he covered his face with his hand to keep himself from crying; he took a few deep breaths.

  
Meanwhile Erik stared at him wide eyed. He had no idea he cared so much, it was really touching but it made him feel guilty. To think he had caused him so much stress... He didn’t know what to say.  
“I-I’m sorry, I don’t-”  
“No,” Nadir interrupted, his voice more serene. “I’m sorry, you’ve obviously recovered from that night and I shouldn’t to be the one that brings bad memories back. It’s just that...Erik, I thought I would lose you.”

  
Erik couldn’t help but smile at that. He would do anything for Nadir, he was his best friend, the love of his life; if something were to happen to him, he would be completely lost. It was nice to know that he returned the sentiment, at least partially.  
“I had no idea you cared so much.” He said pleasantly surprised.

  
Nadir scoffed. “Yeah, yeah, I’m a sentimental fool, I know.”  
“No, no. It’s not like that. I know that I don’t show much affection, Nadir... But I do care for you. A lot. More than you think, more than you could ever imagine.”  
Erik made eye contact with the daroga so he could believe him, trying to make up for years of lack of affection.  
“Really?”  
“Yes.”  
Nadir nodded. “I think that it’s safe to say that I’ve been the more affectionate one out of the two of us.”  
Erik smiled and nodded. “And I’ve never told you how much I appreciate that.”  
They both smiled and looked into each other’s eyes for a while until Erik looked down and took a sip of his tea. It just wasn’t a good idea to get lost in Nadir’s eyes.

 ...........................................................................

“So was it worth it?” asked Nadir later that night.

“Was what worth it?”

“Denying the shah?”  
Erik nodded gravely at once. “Yes, I’ve suffered worse pains than what you saw me in that night. I know pain, but I would still rather break every bone in my body than pleasure the shah.”

  
Nadir was baffled. “So you’re telling me… that you would rather break your ribs than pleasure another man?”  
“Not just ‘another man’, the monster that is the shah!” Erik sounded furious. “Have you already forgotten all the shit he put us through?”

  
Nadir nodded. It was true, Erik could never speak of the shah without hate in his voice.  
“You’re right of course, I’m sorry. I know how much you hated the shah, you hate him even more than I do and I hate him more than anything.”

  
“He’s the worst man I’ve ever met.” Said Erik remembering all the atrocities he had endured in Persia because of that damn shah.

  
Now Nadir had a different curiosity  
“Now had it not been the shah, would you still rather have taken the beating?”  
“What do you mean?”asked Erik  
“What I mean is...um…” how could he phrase this so that Erik wouldn’t be upset at him?  
“What I mean is, do you see pleasuring another man as a greater punishment than a beating?”

  
Erik looked at Nadir curiously.  
“Well… it depends.”  
“On what?” Asked Nadir a little too quickly.  
“It depends on what you mean by pleasuring another man, if they gave me the choice to get brutally beaten or brutally raped, I’d take the beating. But if the question is, would you rather perform fellatio on this calm and decent human being or get your ribs split in half, then I’d rather pleasure another man.”  
Nadir nodded, “That seems reasonable.” but that wasn’t really what he had wanted to know.

  
There was a short silence before Erik said.  
“Heck, I might even enjoy myself.”  
Nadir immediately looked up at Erik who was lightly blushing.

  
“Really?” he asked.  
Erik shrugged and looked away uncomfortably. “I don’t know, I’ve never done it.” 

“Well have you ever felt attracted to men before?” asked Nadir who seemed a little too interested in this topic. After a short silence Erik answered, “Yes." Nadir couldn't help but be happy to hear that. “Really? You never told me that.” Erik immediately became defensive, “It’s none of your business.”

  
“Of course it is, you’re my best friend.” Said Nadir sounding slightly offended.  
Erik just stayed silent. “So are you gay?” Asked Nadir finally. Erik shrugged, “Maybe, what do you care?”  
“I’m curious.” Said Nadir smiling. Erik sighed with an air of defeat. “I think I’m bisexual, most of my attractions are towards men though.” “So you do feel attracted to people?” Said Nadir, taking a sip of his tea.  
“Yes, I am a man after all,” he said sounding off ended. “I know you’re a man, it’s just that you are very quiet about your affections.”he explained

Erik blushed. Yes, he was quiet about his affections but that was only because they were directed to someone completely forbidden. “Well some things are better left as private matters.” he said.  
Nadir had a slight suspicion as to why he left his affections as private matters. Over their many years of friendship, he had noticed several “affectionate” glances coming from behind his mask; he had also noticed how he tensed and sometimes even shivered at many touches between them.

  
But these were more hopes than suspicions, and concerning Erik, feelings were always a mystery. “Anyone in particular?” he asked casually. Erik shrugged. “One or two gypsies, the dancers of Persia and a girl I met in Italy...no one too significant, very little feelings other than lust.” No one mattered to him other than-  
“And men?”  
Erik froze. Oh god why was this happening? Couldn’t he just lie and say-  
“No.” He answered and shrugged. “Nobody special, no one at all.”  
Nadir nodded. He would’ve believed him if he wasn’t blushing scarlet and were breathing normally.

  
“Ever?” Erik couldn’t bare to look him in the eye now. He stared at his lap and shook his head. “Then why are you red?” The persian was smirking now. Erik sighed in defeat. “Just leave it alone.”

  
“You could tell me, you know? I wouldn’t judge you, I wouldn’t mind.”  
Yes you would. He thought regretfully. “Can’t we just drop it? It’s silly, really.”  
“Okay just tell me how they look.” He proposed. “How they are in general.”  
Erik wished for the earth to swallow him whole if only to be spared the agony of describing his object of attraction to Nadir. After a long silence Erik answered, “He has black hair.”

  
“Alright, what else?”  
“He likes dogs.” Erik said trying to keep it as general as possible.  
“So that leaves me with… half the men I’ve ever met, very specific.” He said sarcastically. “Where did you meet him?”  
“I…” Erik was starting to sweat now, for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to lie to Nadir. “I met him in Persia.” He said quietly, red as a brick.

  
“Alright, what’s his job?”  
“Daroga can’t we just drop it? You already know enough, just leave it alone.” His eyes were pleading at this point desperate to leave the topic behind.

  
“Alright, alright, relax I’ll stop pestering you about it.” He thought of how to start the following conversation with as much tact as possible. “I actually feel attracted to both genders as well.”

  
Great. Here he was, his best friend that could stomach his face, put up with his nonsense and was also gay now? Fucking perfect. He forced himself to nod and for the sake of masochism asked

“Anyone in particular?”  
Nadir nodded. “Yes, I’ve had my eye on this guy for years now.” He said matter of factly.  
Erik’s heart dropped. A guy. He had lost Nadir to another man. He knew Nadir would eventually find a suitor but he didn't have to tell him!

“Really?” he could hardly hide the venom in his voice. “What’s he like?”  
Nadir sighed dreamily. “He’s tall, smart, talented, has the most breath-taking eyes I’ve ever seen.” He said looking at Erik’s yellow orbs filling with jealousy.

  
“He sounds great” Erik said, but it sounded sarcastic.  
“He is, I’m very attracted to him.”  
“Where did you meet him?” he couldn’t wait to go home and cry himself to sleep.  
“Persia.” Nadir answered remembering the day he had met his dear friend.

  
Erik scoffed. “Well a lot of Persian men have beautiful piercing black eyes.” He couldn’t help but try to dismiss Nadir’s suitor.  
“Indeed but this man is not Persian, and his eyes are not black.” Nadir readied himself for the reveal. “He’s french.”

  
Erik furrowed his brow in confusion. “A french man in Persia? But when I was trying to learn the language I asked you if you knew any other french men in Persia and you said you didn’t.” Erik thought he had poked a hole in Nadir’s suitor and that maybe it was all a lie to make him jealous and mess with him.  
Nadir merely nodded “Aha…”

  
Erik was about to call him a liar and ask him who his actual interest was but suddenly froze.The realization hit him like a ton of bricks and his eyes widened. No he couldn’t mean that he...that he liked him? No no. He had misunderstood, surely.

  
“Are you friends with him?” he asked desperately.  
“Yes.” Nadir answered knowing he had figured it out.  
“For how long?!” Erik was practically yelling now. He had known Nadir for fifteen years so any time shorter than that would mean he had been wrong all along.

  
“More than ten.” Said Nadir. “We’ve been through alot together…”He thought about it for a moment, should he say it? Yes, he needed to know. “I love him.”

Erik took a deep breath and tried to clear his head. “Nadir,” he said evenly, “could you please just clarify who your romantic interest is because to be honest, I’m starting to reach false conclusions.” his hands were shaking despite the calmness in his voice.

  
“They might not be as false as you think.” for once, Nadir’s voice was shy and unsure.  
Erik sat frozen.  
“You know damn well who I’m talking about, just say it” He asked trying to recover his usual confident demeanor.

  
“I’m not going to say it. What if I’m wrong?” He said in a hushed whisper.  
“You’re not.” Reassured Nadir.  
Erik stayed silent.  
“Please.”  
…  
“Me?”  
“Yes.”  
Erik sucked in a shaking breath. “You lie.”  
“No I don’t, why would I?”  
“I don’t know but you do, you mock me!” Erik’s voice filled with rage.  
Nadir put his hand on Erik’s shoulder. “I’m not mocking you Erik, I know that we joke around alot but I promise you, I’m being dead serious.”

  
But Erik was having none of it. “ENOUGH!” he barked hoarsely pushing Nadir’s hand away and standing abruptly. “You expect me to believe that out of all the people you could want, all the people you could have, you’ve chosen a faceless freak?!!” Erik was shaking. How could Nadir say that, he was so beautiful, so desirable. He couldn’t believe he was speaking such nonsense, and worse yet, expecting him to believe it?

  
“You give yourself too little credit, Erik,” Nadir looked him in the eyes trying to make his feelings as clear as possible. “when are you going to understand that you are so much more than just your face? You are a genius, you are a sensitive man, you are my best friend!”

  
“I might be your friend,” Erik struggled not to break into tears. “After all we’ve been through together you are bound to care for me, if only slightly. But I still am what I am, and NO ONE, you hear me? NO ONE in their right mind could feel attracted to a monster!” He said, tears streaming down his face.  
“You are not a monster!” Nadir yelled, standing as well. “You are, despite all your oddities and all your self-loathing, a man! No more and no less; a man that I am attracted to and that deserves to be wanted!”

  
Wanted. There it was, all of Erik’s forbidden fantasies put in display in that simple word. All he had ever dreamed of was to be wanted. And to be desired by Nadir? Oh what could be better than that? How many times in the dead of the night, possessed by lust, had he begged for just that? And here Nadir was, mocking those already dark and shameful moments in that simple word. He couldn’t bare it.

  
“Shut up!” Erik screamed and pulled at his hair in frustration. “I don’t know why you insist on taunting me but it’s not funny!  
“That’s because it’s not a joke!” He screamed back. Nadir paused and took a deep breath. He had knew this would take time, he had to keep his temper. “Erik,” he said calmly, “When you say I’m taunting you, do you mean that… that you want me too?”

  
Erik blushed fiercely under his mask. This couldn’t be happening! He had been hiding his feeling for years, almost since the day they first met! And now Nadir had opened pandora’s box and his heart had come pouring out. He couldn’t hold back anymore.  
“Yes! Okay? Yes! I want you! I tried to hide it from you! tried my best for it not to get in the way of our friendship, and now you’ve ruined all my effort! Yes Nadir! I WANT YOU! How could I not?! You have always been far too kind to me, you have a heart of gold; you have the beauty of a god! I’d be mad not to want you! But you are here mocking me with what I can’t have!” Erik couldn’t take any more of this, he wanted to go hide, lick his wounds in peace.

  
“Erik,” he said stepping forward and reaching for Erik’s shaking hands. “If you want me, you can have me.” Without breaking the eye contact he placed a kiss to his hands.  
Erik shivered violently and shook his head. “No this isn’t true. This-this isn’t- you don’t- oh please stop.” His eyes filled with tears once more.

  
Nadir led Erik to sit down once more and Erik could only obey. He was still shaking and his panicked eyes were anywhere but on Nadir.  
“Erik look at me.”

  
Erik dragged his golden eyes back to Nadir’s jade ones and shivered at the intense look on his dark face. Nadir placed both hands on the cheeks of his mask and looked deep into his eyes.

  
“I love you, Erik.” Erik’s eyes filled with tears and he shook his head putting Nadir’s hands away.  
“No you don’t, why would you? I’m a monst-  
“Since you won’t believe me if I tell you,” Nadir said cutting him off, “I’ll just have to show you.” He said moving closer to him. Erik backed away in instinct, unsure of what to do.

  
Nadir stared deeply into his eyes. “May I show you?” He asked, trying to gain Erik’s consent.  
Erik couldn’t think straight. His mind was racing but his body was frozen still. He couldn’t bring himself to do anything but stare back at Nadir.  
After a moment, Nadir said “I’ll take that as a yes,” closed the distance between them and pressed their lips together.

  
The kiss was short and chaste, Erik closed his eyes at the foreign sensation, Nadir’s full lips were warm and soft against his thin, rough ones. He couldn’t help but sigh at the feeling.

  
Nadir ended their kiss shortly after and looked deeply into Erik’s eyes.  
“Do you believe me now, or should I show you again?” He said, a smile forming on his lips.

  
Erik could only stare at Nadir in shock. He looked at his olive green eyes and soft brown skin, his silky black hair, his beautiful smile. How could such a beautiful man like someone like him? It was impossible, completely illogical!

  
This must be some sort of sick joke. He thought.  
But a part of him remembered...he had kissed him. Why would he go through all that trouble if his feelings weren’t sincere? It wasn’t like Nadir to trick him like that, he had always been kind to Erik, minding his feelings above all else. Could it be true, then? Was it possible for Nadir to like Erik the way he had always dreamed of? He tried to gather his thoughts, not really knowing what to say. With all the courage he could muster, Erik looked at Nadir and hesitantly whispered,

  
“ You love me?”  
“Yes.” answered Nadir and fought the urge not to kiss him again.  
“if I want you...I can have you?”

  
Nadir smiled even wider and it sent a warmth into Erik’s heart.  
“If you want me,” said Nadir slowly, putting his hands on Erik’s bony shoulders, “I’m all yours.”

  
Erik couldn’t help but tear up at that. He buried his masked face in his hands in order to contain his tears. Nadir pulled him towards him so he could hide his face in his shoulder and wrapped his arms around his shaking torso. he knew Erik would need a little help to process this, but there was nothing on earth that he wouldn’t do to make Erik understand the depth of his love for him.  
“I love you.” He said again and kissed the top of his head.  
Erik cried even harder. “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> my First fanfic. Please comment if you want a second chapter :)


End file.
